Somatic Boundary Setting: An Embodied Way to Come Back to Yourself
If boundaries feel hard for you, it’s likely not because you don’t know what to say. It’s because your body doesn’t feel safe enough to be honest.
Many women are taught—explicitly or implicitly—that staying connected means staying agreeable. Over time, we learn to override subtle body signals in order to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or be seen as “easy.” The result isn’t clarity. It’s exhaustion, resentment, and a quiet sense of disconnection from ourselves.
This is where embodied boundaries come in.
Boundaries aren’t just about being firm or changing your mindset. They are a felt experience in the body. When you learn to sense your edges somatically, boundaries become clearer, kinder, and far more sustainable.
This post offers a simple somatic practice you can use to come back to yourself—and to your yes, no, or not-now—without abandoning yourself or hardening.
Why boundaries are hard when your nervous system is stressed
If you, like many women, tend to people-please, over-explain, or say yes before checking in with yourself, this is often a nervous system strategy, not a personal flaw.
When the nervous system is dysregulated, it prioritizes safety and belonging over truth. In those moments, your body may signal a boundary through subtle sensations like:
tightness in the chest or throat
a collapsed or heavy feeling in the belly
clenched jaw or shoulders
sudden fatigue or irritability
a buzzing or numb sensation
These sensations are not problems, but rather, they are signals your body is asking for attention.
Embodied boundaries begin by learning to notice these cues without judgment—and responding to them gently.
What are embodied (or somatic) boundaries?
Embodied boundaries are boundaries you can feel, not just think about.
Rather than asking yourself, “What should I say?”
You start by asking, “What is my body experiencing right now?”
When you orient toward the body first, boundaries stop being performative or reactive. They become grounded, responsive, and often simpler than you expect. Clear becomes kind, and vague becomes unnecessary.
A simple somatic boundaries practice (2 minutes)
You can use this practice anytime you feel unsure, overwhelmed, resentful, or disconnected from your inner clarity—especially before responding to a request or making a decision.
1. Orient and feel your feet (20 seconds)
Stand or sit comfortably.
Press your feet gently into the ground.
Notice the support beneath you.
Let your breath be natural.
2. Shake out what isn’t yours (30 seconds)
Gently shake your hands, arms, and shoulders.
You’re not trying to “release everything”—just creating movement and space to feel your body.
Imagine excess tension or energy falling away.
3. Sway and widen your edges (30 seconds)
Begin a slow sway side to side or forward and back.
Let your body choose the pace.
As you move, imagine your personal space gently expanding around you.
4. Hands-to-edge practice (20 seconds)
Bring your palms forward at chest height, as if softly saying “stop.”
Feel the clarity of your hands meeting the air, giving yourself permission to feel a “no,” if that’s what is needed.
Notice what shifts inside you.
5. Long exhale or gentle hum (30 seconds)
Inhale through the nose.
Exhale slowly through the mouth.
If it feels supportive, add a quiet hum.
Let your shoulders soften.
6. Ask the body (30 seconds) * this is the most important part *
Silently ask:
Is this a yes, a no, or a not-now?
Don’t rush the answer.
Notice sensations, impulses, or images—not just words. Does your body soften? (often a sign of a “yes”) Does your body contract or constrict? (possibly a “no”)
Wait for your body to give you the answer. From here, you can set an appropriate boundary.
When to use this practice
This embodied boundaries practice is especially helpful:
before replying to a text or email
before committing to plans
after social or emotional overwhelm
when resentment shows up without a clear reason
when your mind is spinning, and you don’t know how to move forward
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s self-connection.
Boundary language that matches the body
Once your body has spoken, boundary language often becomes surprisingly simple. Here are a few scripts to help you, just in case verbalizing your boundary is still a challenge:
“Not now. Let me check in.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’m available for 20 minutes.”
“I don’t have capacity for that.”
Most importantly, you don’t need to justify, defend, or explain. Trust your answer, as your body has already done the work.
Make it stick: notice what drains and restores you
One of the most effective ways to strengthen embodied boundaries over time is to track your body's patterns. When you pay attention to your somatic experience over time, boundaries become a natural expression of self-care and an increasingly firm commitment to not self-abandon.
A few days of tracking energy, mood, and moments of depletion or nourishment can bring surprising clarity—especially around boundaries, people-pleasing, and overgiving.
If you’d like a gentle place to start, my Cycle-Tracking Starter Guide offers simple prompts and an easy method to track your body, emotions, and energy in a way that supports self-trust rather than pressure.
Over time, your body’s yes and no become easier to recognize and, therefore, trust.
Go deeper with structure and support
If you’re ready for a self-guided path that weaves together nervous system regulation, somatic practices, cyclical self-awareness, and gentle feminine healing, the Body Wisdom Workshop online course is available.
Inside, you’ll learn:
how to read your body’s signals with clarity
practices for grounding, boundaries, and self-trust
cycle-aligned self-care that fits real life
This is for women who are done pushing through—and ready to respond from within.
—> Explore the Body Wisdom Workshop here.
Practice embodied boundaries in community
If this resonates and you want live, supported practice, I invite you to join my Online Women’s Circle. Where we explore various themes each month. This month, our theme is Self-love & Sacred Boundaries.
This is a gentle, grounded space for women to:
explore self-love through the body
practice boundaries without hardening
regulate the nervous system together
be witnessed without fixing or performing
—> Learn more and join the next circle here.
A final reminder
Embodied boundaries are not about becoming rigid or “better at saying no.”
They’re about coming home to yourself—again and again—until your body knows it doesn’t have to shout to be heard.
About Ebb & Flow: Ebb & Flow is the holistic women’s mentoring practice of Emma Brinkman. Through menstrual education, women’s mentoring, somatic practice, feminine ritual, and herbalism, Ebb & Flow works to connect women to the power and wisdom within their bodies, in order to live more easeful, sensual, vibrant, and empowered lives. Follow along to stay up-to-date on blog posts and articles, and check out all of Emma’s offerings, which include 1:1 mentoring, monthly online women’s circles, online courses, and custom ritual guidance for navigating life’s transitions.
